NOVEMBER 2 - CONSCIOUS CONTACT (Nar-Anon)

SHARING EXPERIENCE, STRENGTH AND HOPE
Nar-Anon Daily Reader












CONSCIOUS CONTACT                    November 2

One day my husband and I went to our property in the mountains. We were starting a much-needed week’s vacation. I was feeling worn out from concern about our addicted son who lives in another state. Not knowing how he is and what he is doing is sometimes more than I can bear.

We have an outhouse that I put a plaque on that says “Serenity Place.” I took some Twelve Step reading material with me and closed the door. I heard church music from a church camp a couple of miles down the hill. Then there was a slight patter that aroused my curiosity. I opened the door to see what it was. I noticed that it had started to drizzle. As I watched the droplets of rain wet the leaves, I heard a distant crackling of twigs. A mother deer walked into my view. Our eyes locked for what seemed like a minute. She walked forward and past me with her fawn walking close behind. As they slowly strolled out of view, I felt my Higher Power was telling me that we were watched over and that I could let go, let God and enjoy my vacation.

Thought for Today: I will remember that this Power, that is greater than me, has many ways to reach me. I often find conscious contact through the happenings of the world. I will be open minded and willing to receive the messages.

“Let all things be exactly as they are.” ~ The Voice




A HIGHER POWER JAR               November 1

After several months of meetings and working a program, I still found that I could not let go of things that I knew I had no control over. One in particular that was weighing heavily on me was my qualifier’s anger. He was living in transitional housing after a 90-day rehab program – by his own choice – but was extremely angry with me every time we interacted. This anger was driving me crazy. I could not figure out what I had done to cause him to be so angry, and could not convince him that he should not be angry with me.

I finally brought it to a meeting and opened myself up to suggestions from others. Everyone suggested that I let go of his anger, it was his. There was nothing I could do about it. But nobody could tell me how to do this. One gentleman left the meeting and came back with an old peanut butter jar. He had riveted the lid on and painted over the label. He told me that this was his ‘God Jar’ but that I could use it until he could make me one of my own. He told me to write down anything that I wanted to give over to my Higher Power and slide the paper through the slit he had cut into the lid of the jar. Once it was in the jar I could not take it back. If ever I should find myself worrying about it again, I need only remind myself that it was not mine anymore.

The process of thinking about it, writing it down, and physically giving it over by putting it in the jar, worked wonders for me. The next day, he brought me my own jar, and now the jar is much heavier, but my spirit is much lighter.

Thought for Today: I can’t, God can, I think I’ll let God.

“Knowledge is learning something everyday, wisdom is letting go of something everyday.” ~ Unknown





CHANGING MY MIND                       October 31

Ever since I heard the words, “I am a drug addict, and I need help,” my life has changed dramatically. I never would have thought that the man I married, my best friend and soul mate, would have such a dark secret. When I entered my first Nar-Anon meeting three days later, I was full of bitterness and anger. I felt like such a victim and was desperately searching for answers to questions about my husband’s disease. I wanted to learn everything I could about addiction. Little did I know that I would learn about the most important person in my life, me. Nar-Anon taught me to re-evaluate the person I am. I began to feel more comfortable attending meetings, especially as I got to know the people in these rooms. I felt as though I finally had a safe place where I could share my deepest feelings and get the love and support that I needed; where I could explore myself and learn to live a better life.

One day at a meeting, I shared that I was struggling with trust. I had completely lost all trust in my husband. A fellow member stated that sometime ago he had the same problem. He said that he solved it by thinking that his positive thoughts had as much chance of coming true, as did his worst-case scenario. I understood his message and started focusing on the positive side of my husband’s personality, benefiting from feeling good because of my positive thinking. Because of this change in my attitude, I began to be grateful for the fact that my husband faced his addiction and asked for help instead of feeling betrayed because he hid his terrible secret for so many years.

Thought for Today: My favorite slogans are “One Day at a Time” and “Let Go and Let God.” They have helped me to keep in touch with my positive thoughts. Nar-Anon has helped me to get in touch with my Higher Power, something I had no concept of before I found this program.

“The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind.” ~ William James




SHARING                                                      October 30

Before Nar-Anon, I was always hiding my innermost thoughts. I did not want to bring them to the surface. Revealing my thoughts to others made them seem trivial. However, the pain I was feeling was real, and the emotional wounds that caused that pain were deep. Hiding my thoughts and feelings only increased the pain I felt and did nothing to help me heal and recover.

When I first came to the rooms of Nar-Anon, I did very little sharing. Instead, I just listened. As I heard the other members share their similar problems with their addicted family members, my courage grew, and I felt safe. The first time I did open up, it was clear that verbalizing my fears, anxieties and problems helped me. In that short five-minute share, I felt as though a five-pound weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I felt that others understood my problems. Sometimes I still get scared and my rambling thoughts are not always coherent, but the other members are patient and listen. After so many years of not communicating, I need more practice because it is difficult for me to even speak my thoughts. When I am having a hard time, I write them down first.

My life was unmanageable before I came to Nar-Anon. I have a tendency to forget what is good and positive around me. When this happens, I go to a meeting and find the loving support of the fellowship.

Thought for Today: Words of wisdom are not my forte, but I have found the healing effect of sharing my concerns with others. The times I most want to hide out with my problems are the times I most need to reach out to others.

“You get to the point where your demons, which are terrifying, grow smaller and smaller and you get bigger and bigger.” ~ August Wilson




GROWING UP                                     October 29

The Nar-Anon shared experience has assisted me in healing my weak points and recognizing my assets. Working Step Four is difficult, but necessary, in this evolving process.

My character defects have held me in bondage for too long. I accepted bad behavior from people who I love because I was unable to set appropriate boundaries. I chose the victim role of the shame-blame game. It was exhausting and drained my energy. I became ready for a change. This meant I had to start looking at myself for answers. It was time to get off the pity pot and stop asking “why me?”

My past errors in judgment do not define me. They are part of my learning process. My guilt and shame can only hold me back if I allow it. These feelings cannot control or haunt me as long as I use the honesty tool of recovery. I now have the courage to look at my weaknesses, talk about them, and strengthen them. My energy is being restored. My character defects are evolving into personality assets. A healthy outlook is now as much a part of me as the painful past.

I am learning how to balance my life with a new vision. Life is a tapestry of many threads. They complete a life portrait that is all me! I recognize my gifts. I am okay! God did a good job. I am my own masterpiece. I feel whole again – almost. Well, it is a process.

Thought for Today: Recovery is about growing up and now is a good time to get started.

“If you do not ask yourself what it is you know, you will go on listening to others and change will not come because you will not hear your own truth.” ~ Saint Bartholomew




DETACHMENT                              October 28

At my first Nar-Anon meeting, people referred to “detachment.” I remember how foreign that word sounded to me. I remember thinking, “How do I do that?” I left the meeting knowing that I definitely needed to find out more about detachment. I was convinced it could be the answer I had been looking for!

I began to read about detachment. At first, it sounded harsh. I am supposed to let her take care of herself. Just let the addict fall on her face? She needed me so desperately, how could I just stop, and let her take care of her own problems. She will surely crash! How can I do this? All of these panic questions popped into my head.

Now I see that I was just as sick as she was. My sickness was helping her and living for her, while I was neglecting my own life in all her drama. I was not helping her; I was stopping her from seeing there was a problem and trying to fix it on her own. I was playing God trying to bring about the outcome I wanted, not necessarily what she needed.

Since then, I have learned to detach, and I am living a much calmer existence. I tell myself daily to not get plugged into her drama. I have set some boundaries and she is responding to them. She is still in denial that there is a drug problem, but I have hope she will some day see. It is not my responsibility to play God with another’s life.

Thought for Today: The addict has to take care of his or her own life struggles, as we have to take care of our own lives. They may not see there is a problem if they never have to experience it. It is my responsibility to take care of me and my life. By detaching, I can allow this to happen with love.

“Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.” ~ Elbert Hubbard

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