Sunday, 22 March 2015

Silent Screams

Silent Screams
By: Rose Barbour

The storm clouds are all around her
She prays they’ll go away
The blue sky of yesterday
Is now an ominous gray.

The wind is picking up
Through the streets she roams
Looking for her child
So she can bring him home.

The lightning spreads across the sky
Threatening to strike
She fears for his safety
Her chest is feeling tight.

She can’t find him anywhere
The streets are so mean
She looks to the sky and weeps
God, help me please!

Her cries are drowned out
By the chaos all around
The rain is beating down on her
While the thunder pounds.

She takes refuge from the storm
Needing a new plan
Questioning a life
That is so hard to understand.

She slowly starts to leave
Hanging tight to her phone
Shaking like a leaf
And feeling so alone.

There’s no family she can call
No friends to lend an ear
Just her silent screams
And a pillow full of tears.

Addiction has stolen her child
And it mocks her love
It hurts like hell
But she’ll never give up.

Written by:

While the journey with an addicted child is like being caught up in a terrifying and threatening storm that we have no control over, we can never lose hope. Individuals and families do recover.....all the time. Never give up!

Tuesday, 17 March 2015

Rock Bottom

Rock bottom is a sad and hopeless place where the tears flow freely and energy, peace and happiness are but a memory. I found myself there after years of dealing with my son’s addiction.

I am a take charge type of person so when I found out that my son was struggling with addiction I naturally jumped into action trying to help him. Sadly, no matter what I tried to do or how much encouragement I provided, it didn’t work. His drug use continued to escalate causing his mental, emotional and physical health to spiral down even further, and mine did, too. I was out of ideas and out of hope.

I couldn’t stand to see my son self-destructing. I worried every day that he would die. This constant worrying affected my mental health. The lady who many people have described as “the most positive person I have ever met” was dealing with depression. I was shocked with the diagnosis but as I reflected on how I was feeling, it began to make sense.

I didn’t like rock bottom; not at all. I wanted out of there and fast! I knew that I wasn’t going to be any good to my son, my other children or my husband if I was sick and couldn’t get out of bed. I needed to do something. Knowing that I had no control over my son, I started focusing my energy on the one person that I could control: me.

My first step to my own recovery was to reach out to other families who were dealing with addiction. There is something very healing about being around people who understand. They don’t judge because they, too, found out the hard way that this can happen to any family.

My husband and I also got educated quickly about addiction. When it comes to this misunderstood and stigmatized illness, education is very important. As family members, we are better equipped for the difficult journey when we know and understand what we are up against.  

In our search for information, we looked for credible sources just like we would if our son had any other serious health issue. The more my husband and I learned the more effective we became at parenting our son through his addiction while maintaining a healthy and close relationship with him. Of course, there are never any guarantees. Sadly, some of the most loving parents educated in addiction have lost children. One thing is for sure, though, family members have nothing to lose by getting educated.

Today, I am healthy, informed and empowered, and rock bottom is but a memory. As for my son, he got the help that he needed and is now 17-months into his recovery and a full-time college student. He is healthy and happy and his life is moving forward. We are so grateful for the gift of recovery.

Never give up.